Lol, ok im not THAT old.
BUT I swear that mine wasn't far off it !
Come with me down memory lane;
(Old man voice) and ill show you young whippersnappers how lucky you actually are.
Trust me.
THIS Was My First Phone Though...
It is called the Motorola M301...
The Brick That Built My (Imaginary) Empire
Ah, the Motorola M301.
If you weren’t around in the 90s, let me paint you a picture:
Imagine strutting down the street with a device that looked like a cross between a walkie-talkie and a brick; 🧱
And dang,it weighed about the same too.
But oh, did I think I was the bee's knees with that thing.
Never mind that it cost me £1 per minute to make a call, or that the phone dropped calls faster than I could drop a beat.
This was cutting-edge technology, and I was determined to milk every last drop of coolness from it.
Let me tell you, owning a Motorola M301 wasn’t just about having a phone; it was about making a statement.
A statement that said,
“Look at me, I’m so ahead of my time, I’m practically living in 2030.”
Unfortunately, it also said,
“I’ve spent all my savings on this, and now I can’t afford to use it.”
You see, the M301 had a little quirk, okay, a massive, glaring flaw.
It only worked when there was a satellite directly overhead, which meant that finding a signal was like playing a game of cosmic hide-and-seek.
The chances of actually making a successful call were about as high as winning the lottery… twice.
And even if the stars did align and I managed to get a signal, I had to shout like I was on a megaphone just to be heard.
"CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!" was less a question and more a desperate plea.
But the real kicker? Nobody could afford to call me.
I mean, who had £1 per minute to spare on listening to me wax poetic about how great my phone was?
Certainly not my friends.
So, in a move that I now recognize as both brilliant and tragically pathetic, I started paying my best mate
who also had an M301, to call me from around the corner.
The idea was simple: I’d be casually chatting up some girls, and then bam, my phone would ring.
“Oh, excuse me,”
I’d say, pretending to be someone important.
In reality, it was just my friend calling to ask if I wanted to grab a burger after we were done trying (and failing) to look cool.
The Motorola M301 was about as reliable as a chocolate teapot.
You'd spend more time charging it than actually using it, if you were lucky enough to find a signal in the first place.
The battery life was so short, I’d carry it around like a glorified pocket watch, checking the time every few minutes because that was about all it was good for.
It was a £1 per minute paperweight, but in my mind, it was the crown jewel of my technological empire.
And now, for the specs, because what kind of review would this be without them?
The Motorola M301 boasted a battery life of about 60 minutes, if you didn’t actually use it for calling!
It weighed approximately as much as a small dog and came in one color: dull grey,
Because why have variety when you can have... none?
The screen was a stunning monochrome display, and the ringtone? A delightful symphony of beeps that could double as a fire alarm.
Kids today don’t know how lucky they are.
They walk around with sleek smartphones that have more processing power than the computers that sent humans to the moon, while we were out there lugging around bricks that barely worked.
They’ll never know the struggle of paying a mate to call you just to impress some girls, or the heartbreak of having that call drop the moment you answered.
So, to all the youngsters out there, I say this:
Next time your phone glitches for half a second and you feel like the world is ending, remember the Motorola M301.
And be thankful you didn’t have to carry a portable satellite dish just to make a call.
Yours, 💘
Michael Masters - The Info Archi - oh dang.
(It just dropped the call)
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